Today was a roller-coaster. I started off pretty optimistic. I told myself all the positive crap to not feel pathetic.
“Today is gonna be awesome!”
“Where there is a will, there is a way.”
“You can do anything!”
Ha, if I got a dollar for every time I reassured myself that things were going to be alright, I’d at least be able to afford dinner tonight. I got up even before the sun did. I pulled up the legit freelance sites I knew – Fiverr, Freelancer, Upwork and Guru. Created my profiles and applied to any and everything. How many replies do you think I received? Well, I kept my profiles active so I could reply straight away while I researched other means of making money. By 3 pm, not one person replied.
Was my profile that bad? Was the competition that tight?Did anyone bid lower than a $1 (I had to put that in the offer I sent)? Can you imagine how I felt? My hopes were thrown in the sewage. By 4 pm, I had a massive headache. My left side of my brain felt like a truck had just sat on it. My eyes burned. I was about to take a break from the computer when I heard a ding.
Was that my first potential customer? I jumped on it like I just won a million dollars. The potential customer was from India. He sent a reply “Sen me skyp” . I overlooked the errors and sent him my Skype ID. We added each other. I asked him for a few minutes. I suspected this was an interview so I moved like Flash, throwing my best suit and ensuring my appearance was tidy.
“I’m ready.” I sent as a message.
“r u male” he sent back. I knew he was referring to my painting of Tupac.
“No, that’s just a painting of Tupac.”
He called right away then. I hesitated for a few seconds, that question threw me off a bit. Why did it matter?
I answered the call.
“What can you do?” he said.
I gave him a list of my skills, achievements, etc.
“You live alone?”
There he went throwing me off-guard again.
“you know no distractions?”
“I do.” I answered. He looked at me intensely. I lowered my eyes. My finger nudging to hit the end button.
“Tell me more about you.” He then said.
I gave him a professional bio.
“Such a pretty girl., why live alone?”
So much for giving him the benefit of the doubt. I was just about to end the call when he blurted out
“Wait, I give you $500 US to twerk in a thong for me.”
That was it. I cut him off. I was desperate, not ‘dignityless’.
A Skype message came in as soon as I ended the call.
“$1000 US!” he sent. I blocked him immediately.I logged out of my Skype, turned off my computer and lied on my bed.
What should a woman do to make some decent, clean money? My options were lessening the closer it came to rent day. Additionally, I had almost no food. What to do, Deidra? What to do now?
I reached for my phone, turned my music on. Sia’s “Alive” started to play. The sun was going down, embracing me in its pale light. I closed my eyes and started to sing with Sia while hot tears rolled down my cheeks.